Where else can you see a bum wearing a I Love NY hoodie sleeping on a park bench next to a neatly placed Starbucks cup? You guessed it! The best place in the world. Just after landing, still high from the 6 Valium I downed (If the Pharm that makes Diazapam wants to advertise.. Call ME!) I decided this will be the first picture I take.. Mostly because by the end of the night I will also end up like this man... Drunk, tired, and out of money. But thats niether here nor there, the reason Im typing this shit up is because I want everyone to know.. scratch that... I want everyone to UNDERSTAND that NYC is the greatest place on earth.. Holy Moses.. the girls are stunning, the food, the smells, the sounds, the livelyness!Now Im from this great city, Born and Raised! but it still gets me, sitting next to this bum, checking his pockets for more Valium, I had a realization.. I dont have to be a dick anymore! Why the only reason Ive been this bitter before is because I thought thats how I was supposed to act.. that thats the was New Yorkers are.. BULLSHIT! We are the nicest people on the face of this earth, and will strike up a conversation just to talk.
Ive now lived in Florida for the past 8 years.. this southern hospitality crap.. is crap. I have no friends (surprised?) people wont talk to you unless they know you or heard of you or your a friends friend on Assbook.. Ive been goin to school for the past 2 years.. Ive gotten to know maybe 4 people.. It cant all be blamed on my anti social behavior.. But I dont know... maybe I was different in NYC.. maybe people realized that I was enjoying my life for the first time in 8 years.. even to ask directions.. I tested it out.. I went up to a cop.. YES just like the Dave Chappelle joke.. I went up to him and asked him to direct me to the furthest corner of the city.. straight confusion.. I threw in like 7 I thinks and 5 maybes.. a Lexa5th, an MadiWay.. and 13th Ave.. And this poor guy not knowing hes a lab rat.. literally DREW ME A FUCKIN MAP! I know where Im goin.. but this guy got me there in the fasted possible route and was even gonna run down a cab for me.. Holy Shit.. Maybe I got this whole life thing wrong.. Maybe Im an asshole because of the simple fact that I am an asshole... So I get back to where I live.. Im not namin names cause the Police will be at my door executing a search warrant on my ass. So the other day.. Im thinkin of the NYC COP.. still enamoured by him, Im sittin at a red light like damn, I think we could of been friends.. maybe I should have invited him out that night.. Sushi and Saki Bombs.. He would of liked it..
Then I realize.. back to business.. time to put my theory to the test.. so I drive around for like 45 minutes.. (thats how long it takes to find a cop around here, if I was 65 and needed help crossing the street that would have been a different story..) SO I find one.. sunglasses tinted the fuck out.. Limo tint type shit.. "Hello, offficer, Good Afternoon, HUH, can I ask you for some help?" No facial expression... just a nod as if to listen to what I have to say then consider " Umm which way to BLANK BLANK BLANK" (I didnt actually say Blank..) Again.. no facial expression.. Then this deep megatron like voice comes out of his mouth.. "Just go this way, youll know when you see it." I thanked him like 40 times.. making sure he didnt run my plate just incase I have outstanding warrants.. But its not that easy.. its not just head that way and youll see it.. its more like head that way, make a right on _____, then when you see this gas station its behind the bank on the right.. I was passed on like a $2 whore .. used and abused.. And all this time I thought I got my cynisisim from NY.. nope! its from good ol Florida.. the sunshine state.. I hate this place.. and I really dont care if you think my theory is biased.. I KNOW it is.. and I like it that way.. maybe you can tell me that NYCers think there the best because were spoiled... its probably also true.. But Im done being a DICK..(not 100%) Im gonna enjoy my life.. but Im still gonna let my emotions out when they need to be.. Lifes full of Cocaine.. I make Crack.. Thats the NYCer in me.. in Florida.. that term would be.. If life gives you Sudafed.. Then make Meth..
I LOVE NYC!
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